


Raspberry Blueberry

by FailureArtist



Series: Friendship & Stuff Cinematic Universe [3]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Creepy, Human Pet, Humanstuck, Implied Drugging/Mind Control, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Partial Humanstuck, Uncanny
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-01
Updated: 2019-12-01
Packaged: 2021-02-26 05:40:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 955
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21638248
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FailureArtist/pseuds/FailureArtist
Summary: July 14/15, 2018: Condesce sends out a message to the world.
Relationships: The Condesce & Karkat Vantas
Series: Friendship & Stuff Cinematic Universe [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1532495
Kudos: 13





	Raspberry Blueberry

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: Description of a castrated/emasculated body, implied drugging/mind control, references to major character death

No matter where you are and how you tune in, a message is broadcast to you. It’s not just via broadcast television. Whatever you are watching suddenly changes to a humanoid demon. It has jet-black skin and flowing hair. Orange protrusions like horns curve outward from its head and continue off-screen. Its mouth has more teeth than would be possible in a human mouth. She seems female, somehow, with what appears to be heavy fuchsia eye makeup. Her lips are fuchsia, but whether that is natural or not is unknown. Around her neck is gold jewelry, including what you might recognize as a coin issued by the Austro-Hungarian Empire. She is very beautiful, but also a mockery of normal human beauty. She looks at the camera like an animal trying to figure out what a camera is, but after a few seconds, it becomes obvious she knows what a camera is. There is a human intelligence behind it. 

When she finally speaks, it is with a strained voice. 

“Hello…guppies…I be…yo queen.”

A human voice, weak and male and with a Chicago accent, speaks behind her.

“What the fuck is going on?”

The demon turns her head and hisses like a cockroach at whoever is behind her before returning to the camera.

“Yes…I be…her Imperious Condescension…the one you be waitin’ for…the one to rule you.” 

She moves back away from being too close to the camera. Her movement is strange, another parody of human movement. There is a golden throne behind her. It is a glorious object with intricate designs. Yet what might draw your attention is the naked human kneeling next to it. The throne dwarfs the human. It must be either huge or the human very small. Perhaps it is both.

The human seems to be male, though his genitals are covered by his hands. This must be the source of the voice. He has olive skin and black curly hair. His eyes are dark and glazed. He is on the chubby side but he’s not that fat. The demon walks over and ruffles his hair. 

“Do you like mah...pet? That...the word?”

The pet nods.

“The pet...name...is...”

She says something in an alien language that sounds a little like “Karkat Vantas”. 

“He have...what I like...in humans.”

She grabs his hands covering his genitals. She only needs one hand to grasp both his wrists. Where his genitals should be is just smooth skin except for a purple plug. 

“He...can...no...reproduce. No get humans with parasite...like our...” She makes another alien noise. “But you might call them…cat-tle.”

She sits down on the throne and makes a beckoning gesture towards the human. Though he seems drugged, he picks up on the message. He crawls over to her feet and she picks him up like he’s an especially big Maine Coon and puts him on her lap. 

“Good pet,” she says.

“Am I in a movie?” the human asks.

She goes on, “Mah human...what the name...SUBJECTS...tried to krill him. But he not the Heretic...he be Heretic...spawn. Better suited as pet. Mah subjects made one mistake...and suffered. Do not suffer.”

She made a strange dolphin-like noise. A laugh?

“But otherwise...my human subjects...do good work. You think you ruled by normal humans? You ruled by aliens who are...” She looks off to the side with an annoyed look on her face. “...Sam-sa-ra?”

“Samsara…” the human mumbles.

”No…wrong language…I speak English. Re-in-car-na-tion. Into humans. Anywaves. They start in year 1945 of human god Jesus Christ. They be Church of the Mirthful Messiahs. Also called…Alternative Insane Clown Posse Fan Club. Invented by mah...ugh...patron.

“Who the glub is patron? Mah patron is…you know him as…Doctor Dee Ooo See Scratch. Doc Scratch. He summoned by…what the phrase…splitting of atom. Ka-BOMB!”

She does a fist pump. The human is startled and speaks in an eerie monotone.

“I have become Death, destroyer of worlds.”

She adds, “What pet say. Mah world destroyed. By big loud fish that be mah…mother…in human words.”

“You’re my big loud fish mommy,” the human says.

She hushes him and continues.

“Doc Scratch teach me aboat yo planet. He prepare mah arrival. Now I be empress a you.”

She laughs like a dolphin again then her expression turns bitter.

“But Doc Scratch be mah adviser…he have power.”

You get the feeling she wants to say “for now.”

She pets her human pet roughly while crossing and uncrossing her legs.

“So that be…mah message. I go to Wash…ing…ton De See.” She smiles impossibly wide. “I be told there be…HUGE…diamond…in Smithsonian.”

She picks up the human pet and puts him gently down on the ground before walking over to the camera. She mutters her alien language under her breath as she does. You might have heard the phrase “stupid English”.

The video changes to a red fork, looking a lot like the Betty Crocker symbol, on a black background. The text “SUBMIT! WORSHIP! STOP REPRODUCING!” encircles the image.

Some of you wonder if this is computer-generated. Everything about this alien seems so off it can’t be real. Yet in your heart you know it to be real.

A select few were expecting this. They had seen her in their dreams and visions. Yet seeing her like this, with non-believers gawking over your shoulders, is a clown of a different color. Yet even for most of them, they were not expecting today to be the day.

The elite of the elite knew today would be the day. 

You are afraid. Very afraid. 


End file.
